


The Ties That Bind

by birdsons



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Anxiety, Fluff, Genderfluid Character, Getting Together, Love Confessions, Other, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-23
Updated: 2017-06-23
Packaged: 2018-11-18 03:07:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11282505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/birdsons/pseuds/birdsons
Summary: Violet opens the door to her hotel room (...) and stumbles inside with Katya following right behind her, after a night full of drinking and socializing with their friends and fellow drag queens. Their hushed laughter and whispers bounce off the walls (...). Finally, after reaching the double bed they fall onto it and Katya sighs in contentment. (...) They're half lying, half sitting on the bed and at some point, Violet's head falls to Katya's shoulder and the older queen smiles at that. Drunk and tired Violet is completely different from sober Violet, or even drunk but energetic Violet - she somehow gets even more affectionate and less bitchy and Katya isn't quite sure which Violet is her favorite. She shakes her head at the thought and looks at her friend. Violet's eyes are closed and she looks so peaceful. This makes Katya's heart feel incredibly warm.





	The Ties That Bind

**Author's Note:**

> hello! so heres my newest fanfic, this time about violet and katya. it turned out to be way longer than i expected and writing it was so much fun so i hope u like it! its set during the bots tour but i did change some things so that it fits the story better. also just so were clear, 98% of it is completely fake and never happened (unless we dont know about something lol). as always, feedback is highly appreciated. seriously, please let me know what you think and what i can improve. also lmk if there are any mistakes, i tried to get rid of them all but i mightve missed something and if i did im really sorry.  
> if u want to u can follow me on twitter (@jinkxtf) or tumblr (@vatyatrash)!

_Knowing you, you stand by me_  
_Through good and bad_  
_Makes all the difference, in my life_  
_Day by day, sweetheart I find_  
_These are the ties, that bind_

1.  


Violet opens the door to her hotel room, struggling a little with the keycard and stumbles inside with Katya following right behind her, after a night full of drinking (for Violet) and socializing with their friends and fellow drag queens (for both Violet and Katya). Their hushed laughter and whispers bounce off the walls while they're trying to find the nearest surface to sit on. Finally, after reaching the double bed they fall onto it and Katya sighs in contentment. They're still in full drag after performing at the Admiral Place in Berlin and they know that they should probably de-drag before anything else but neither can be bothered to move.  


They're half lying, half sitting on the bed and at some point, Violet's head falls to Katya's shoulder and the older queen smiles at that. Drunk and tired Violet is completely different from sober Violet, or even drunk but energetic Violet - she somehow gets even more affectionate and less bitchy and Katya isn't quite sure which Violet is her favorite. She shakes her head at the thought and looks at her friend. Violet's eyes are closed and she looks so peaceful. This makes Katya's heart feel incredibly warm.  


'Come on, Vi. Time to get rid of all that makeup before you smear it all over your pillow,' she says and nudges Violet slightly. The younger queen lets out a dramatic whine but opens her eyes, however she makes no effort to move. Katya rolls her eyes and gets up from the bed, ignoring a cry of protest from Violet and goes to switch the lights on and then straight to the bathroom to fetch some make-up wipes. When she returns she places the box on the bed and sits cross-legged in front of the other queen and helps her take off her wig and everything else before she can start removing the makeup. A couple of wipes later Violet starts turning back into Jason and Katya can't help but grin at her friend. How is it possible that they look so good both in and out of drag, she thinks.  


When all of the makeup from Jason's face is gone they murmur a 'thank you' and go to lie face down on the bed. Katya lets out a small laugh and pulls the covers over their body. She then gets up once again and heads for the bathroom to de-drag herself.  


She isn't really tired, the excitement of performing still buzzing through her veins. She thinks about how nice it is to be spending time with Violet and be around her every single day, and how much she will miss the younger queen after the Battle of the Seasons Tour ends.  


About twenty minutes later Brian exits the bathroom and turns the lights off, then walks to the bed lying next to already sleeping Jason, who must've turned in their sleep because they're now lying on their side, hands tucked under their head. Brian once again feels his heart swelling up in his chest and are there actual butterflies in his stomach he's feeling? Confused by his own feelings Brian turns his back to Jason and tries to fall asleep. Finally, after tossing and turning for a while, he drifts off to sleep.  


When he wakes up a few hours later it's already light outside and he's got his arms wrapped tightly around Jason, as usual.

2.  


They have the next day off and Jason proposes that they all go sightseeing but after a long night of partying and getting drunk no one's up for that, except for Brian who could never say no to Jason even if he tried. So they each take turns to take a shower and get dressed and an hour later they're leaving the hotel. They get a taxi to the city center and spend the rest of the day walking the streets of Berlin, admiring the beauty of the capital of Germany and talking about whatever comes to their minds.  


It's slowly getting dark and they're sitting on a bench in some park, conversating about what they most like about the city when Brian's stomach growls. He looks a bit flustered for a moment until Jason bursts out laughing and he relaxes, a small smile ghosting his face.  


'You up for dinner? I think I've seen this pizza place on our way here,' says Jason after they finally stop laughing.  


'Yeah, sure,' Brian replies. Suddenly the urge to hold Jason's hand appears out of nowhere and he mentally slaps himself in the face for even thinking about it. Jason's his friend, that is all, he reminds himself when they make their way out of the park and into the busy streets of Berlin.  


Jason leads them to the pizza place they saw earlier. It looks very cozy inside and there's a smell of pizza in the air that makes both of their mouths water. They pick a table in the corner of the room and look at the menus the waiter left them. After they decide on what they're having and tell the waiter their order they take a moment to relax in their seats. Brian looks at Jason and catches them staring. He raises his eyebrows in a silent question but Jason only smirks at him. Brian breaks the eye contact, feeling his cheeks heating up. He only prays to whoever's listening that Jason doesn't notice this and spend the rest of the night (and possibly the next day) teasing him about it.  


They eat their pizza mostly in silence, talking about the shows that they're going to do and Jason can't stop themself from reading some of the Ru Girls. After they finish they ask for the bill and leave the pizza place after paying and leaving a tip for the waiter.  


The sun has already set when they step outside but the streets are as full as they were before, if not more. They decide to call it a day and get a taxi back to their hotel. This time they say their goodbyes in the hallway and return to their respective hotel rooms. And Brian is happy, he really is, after all, he spent the whole day with Jason and it was amazing and wonderful and so, so much fun, but he can't help the sinking feeling he gets when he sees Jason closing the door to their room behind them and Brian knows that tonight he's sleeping alone. He also knows it won't be easy since he's gotten so used to sleeping next to Jason. Eventually, after spending a good minute looking at the door to his friend's room, an expression of a kicked puppy on his face, he returns to his own hotel room and lies on the bed, utterly confused by his feelings.

3.  


They're in New Orleans when Katya realizes something.  


Violet is on stage, joined by two men in black costumes and masks. Her waist is cinched and she's lip-syncing to Bettie. Katya is watching her perform, her eyes following every move of the other queen, never leaving her even for a second. As much as Katya loves watching Violet perform, she can't shake the feeling of uneasiness and jealousy when the two men touch her... no, not _her_ , Katya tells herself, annoyed. Violet isn't hers. They're just friends. Only friends. But then why does Katya want to be the one touching Violet and lifting her up and holding her in her arms? Katya cannot have feelings for Violet. This cannot be true, she tells herself, clearly panicking now. Violet would never feel the same way about her, not in a thousand years.  


'Hey, Katya, you alright?'  


She looks up and sees Adore standing right in front of her, her gaze fixed on the blonde queen. Katya swallows around the lump in her throat.  
'Of course. Why wouldn't I be?' she replies, her voice sounding hoarse and raspy.  


Adore shakes her head and gives Katya a knowing look before she turns to look at Violet's performance.  


Katya feels like she might throw up.  


Not waiting for Violet to finish performing, knowing damn well she won't be able to look her in the eyes right now, Katya turns around and starts walking towards the dressing room she shares with Alaska and Courtney. She slips into the room and lets out a breath of relief after she realizes that there's no one in there except for her. She flops down on the couch and stares ahead, trying to calm down but the thoughts racing through her mind are making this very difficult.  


Does she have feelings for Violet? How long has this been going on? Why hasn't she noticed earlier? What does this mean? What is she supposed to do now? Should she just start ignoring Violet after the tour ends? Would she be even able to do this? She's got so many questions that she cannot answer. Finally, Katya decides to just go back to the hotel and sleep on it, convincing herself that it'll help.  


Brian's lying in bed in the hotel room and he's nearly asleep when he hears a knock at the door. Too mentally exhausted to deal with anyone he decides to just ignore it, hoping that whoever it is that decided to bother him will just leave but after a moment he hears another knock, this time louder. He sighs and goes to open the door, realizing that whoever it is, won't leave so soon.  


He freezes when he sees Violet, half in half out of drag.  


'Hey,' she slurs, clearly drunk, and wraps her arms around Brian's neck.  


All of his muscles tense up and for a moment he doesn't know what to do, but seeing as Violet's not going to let him go anytime soon, he hugs her back. She smells of vodka and sweat and it's so familiar that Brian eventually relaxes against the other queen's body. Minutes pass by, or maybe hours, he doesn't know, before he decides to pull away from the hug. He takes Violet's hand and leads her into the dark room and then into the bathroom where he proceeds to take off his friend's make-up. Then the realization hits him, that he does it far more often than not, but also that he doesn't really mind as long as he gets to spend time with Violet. She smirks at him and wiggles her eyebrows suggestively when he lifts her up and sits her on the countertop and Brian can feel his cheeks burning. He doesn't know why he's still reacting like this, after knowing Violet for so long. He should be used to her flirting with him all the time, that's just the way she is.  


Finally, he finishes de-dragging the younger queen and he looks at Jason for a few seconds before stepping back and holding their hand again to help them off the countertop. As soon as Jason stands on the floor they drape themself all over Brian and softly kiss his cheek. His heart skips a beat (or ten, but it's not like he's counting) and wants to free himself from Jason's embrace but fails.  


'C'mon, let's get you to bed,' Brian says and Jason reluctantly releases him but not before taking his hand in theirs and leaves the bathroom with Brian following closely behind. When they reach the bed they push the blond man onto it and without hesitation crawl into his lap. Brian's head is spinning from being so close to Jason and he has no idea what is going on or why Jason's doing the things they are doing but he has a feeling he knows where this is all going and he is terrified.  


Jason puts their hands on both his cheeks and stares into his eyes. The way they look at Brian makes a shiver run down his spine. He is breathing hard and his heart is pounding in his chest. He knows he wants this but not like that, not when Jason is obviously drunk. However before he can say anything he feels Jason's lips on his own, their tongue tracing his bottom and then upper lip. He tries to fight against it, he really does, but when Jason tangles their hands in Brian's hair and pulls slightly it earns them a moan from the man and something inside of him breaks and he finally kisses Jason back. Brian puts his hands on his friend's waist, pulling them closer and closer and closer until there is no space left between their bodies. Jason bites Brian's bottom lip, then sucks on it. He can't get enough of their kisses. After having had realized that he does feel something for Jason he couldn't stop thinking about them and about how they would feel against his body, they way they'd kiss him and how it would feel to run his hands through Jason's long hair. This is everything he never knew he needed and he feels whole, somehow, with Jason in his lap and their plump lips on his own. And as their kisses become more heated and urgent, Jason rolls their hips against Brian's groin.  


'Fuck, Brian,' they moan and repeat the action. That makes Brian stop as he realizes that if they end up having sex tonight, it'll ruin everything. Jason is simply too drunk and Brian can't just take advantage of them like that, he would not be able to live with himself if he did. So even though he's afraid that he'll break down if he stops kissing Jason, he pulls away. His friend is clearly confused and tries to kiss him once again but Brian knows that if he lets them he might do something he'll most definitely regret later. With a heavy heart, he pushes Jason off of him and onto the bed.  


'What the fuck, Brian,' they say in a slightly raised voice as they stare at the man in question. Brian, however, doesn't look at them, he can't, he's too ashamed of himself that he let this happen.  


'I think you should leave,' he whispers, suddenly very interested in the rug on the floor. His breath is still uneven and his heart is still beating too hard and he's half-hard. _You just ruined your friendship_ , the voice in his head says. He closes his eyes and tries to not listen to it.  


'What? Why?!' Jason sounds visibly upset and hurt and Brian hates that he's the reason behind this but he also knows that it's for the better.  


'I just can't, I'm sorry. Please just leave,' he replies. _You don't deserve them. You never did and never will_ , the voice continues and it takes all of Brian's willpower not to let out a sob. He knows the voice is right. There's no way it isn't.  


Jason doesn't say anything else, just gets up from the bed and sprints out of the room, closing it with more force than necessary. Brian winces at the sound and before he knows it there is a single tear running down his cheek. He wipes it away angrily and lies on the bed, willing his brain to make him fall asleep.

4.  


The next month and also the last before their break from touring drags (no pun intended) by so slowly and Brian feels like he's slowly losing his mind. He knows he can't avoid Jason all the time but he stops spending his free time with them and doesn't go out with them and the rest of Ru Girls, and whenever someone asks what's going on he dismissed them and says that he's fine, just tired. After a week they stop asking him to join them at the club they're going to and he feels relieved. He does, however, notice Jason staring at him more often than not. He doesn't know what to make of it and he can't quite read the expression on Jason's face. Sometimes he thinks he sees a bit of sadness but then it's gone so Brian decides that it's just his mind playing tricks on him.  


The last show before the three-month-long break is good, Katya is having a good time and enjoying herself despite what's been happening lately. She promised herself that she wouldn't let her personal problems affect her performances. She still watches Violet perform, unable to tear her gaze way from the younger queen. She feels as though she's been hypnotized. Violet is an incredible performer and a drag queen and she's mesmerizing and if Katya could, she would always have her around. She somehow makes her feel more confident and at ease. She thinks back to the times when they would lie in Violet's or Katya's hotel bed and talk until it was starting to get light outside and then they would fall asleep, cuddled up together. She thinks about Violet's smile and how bright it is, how beautiful she looks when she throws her head back and laughs. How her eyes shine with excitement before every show. Katya really misses her. She wishes they could go back to how they used to be before the kiss happened. And the thing is, Katya doesn't even know if Violet remembers anything about that night. Actually, she's pretty sure the younger queen doesn't, seeing as she still treats her the same way she used to. It's Katya who's making things weird between them. It's Katya who keeps pushing Violet away. It's all Katya's fault and she knows it, she's just not sure what she should do about this.  


When Violet's performance ends she goes to leave the stage. She catches Katya's eyes and grins at her widely, then hugs her a bit tighter and longer than usual, before Adore yells from somewhere to 'get a fucking room'. Katya is incredibly grateful for all the makeup she's wearing because that means Violet can't see her blush.  


'Fuck all the way off, bitch!' The younger queen yells after she stops hugging her friend.  


Adore doesn't say anything, just laughs. Violet rolls her eyes and looks back at Katya, who's avoiding her eyes at all cost. She's scared that if she doesn't then Violet will see something in them, something that she cannot see.  


'Wanna go out after the show?' She asks Katya, hoping that she'll agree. After all, this is their last night together for a few months and she wants to make sure that Katya won't spend it in her hotel room sleeping.  


'Uh, I don't know. I'm not really-'  


'Come on, we're leaving tomorrow and won't see each other for three fucking months. Don't be such a boring bitch, have some fun,' Violet says. She's ready to beg her to go out with her and some other queens if she has to, she just hopes it won't be necessary.  


Katya makes the mistake of looking into Violet's eyes. She melts on the spot and unable to do anything other than agree she nods his head. The younger queen nearly screams and hugs Katya once again, whispering a 'thank you' into her ear. Katya smiles weakly at her when she pulls away and curses herself for not being able to say no to Violet.  


After the show ends, Violet, Katya, Adore, Detox, Sharon and a few other queens go to the nearest club. As the night progresses and drinks are being bought Katya realizes that, once again, she's the only sober one in the group. She doesn't mind it that much though because Violet is right there by her side, never leaving. And Katya is sort of grateful for that because she missed her friend so much and right now it seems like everything's fine between them and she wants to slap herself for being such an idiot and ignoring Violet. As much as it hurts to be around her knowing that she will never feel the same way about Katya it's also unbearable to be away from her.  


But then Sharon decides that it's high time for shots and after four rounds of them Violet seems to have forgotten about Katya and disappears into the crowd on the dance floor. She tries really hard not to let it show how much she hates it so she busies herself talking to Courtney for a while, but then the other queen is being dragged by Alaska towards the dance floor and manages to send Katya an apologetic look before she disappears just like Violet did a few minutes ago.  


Katya looks at her non-alcoholic beer and finishes it in a few gulps. She stands up and goes to leave the club. It's not like anyone will notice that she's gone, she thinks bitterly while she waits for her taxi and smokes two cigarettes in a row.  


When she gets to her hotel room she quickly de-drags and changes into a t-shirt and sweatpants and gets under the covers of the bed. Brian falls asleep within minutes and dreams of Jason, of their smile and touch.

5.  


Since Brian's, Jason's and Jerick's flights leave at similar times they decide to go to the airport together. When they finally arrive there they turn to each other to say goodbye. Brian hugs Jerick and smiles at them. Then, it's time to say goodbye to Jason and Brian feels a lump forming in his throat. He tries to say something but he doesn't trust his voice not to break. _How fucking pathetic of you_ , the voice in his brain says. Ignoring it, he pulls Jason into a tight hug and holds them for a short while.  


'Bitch, you better call me,' says Jason after they pull away from each other. They've got one eyebrow raised and they're giving Brian a look that says _I'm serious if you don't do this I'm going to fucking kill you when I see you next time_ and the man smiles at them.  


'Yeah, yeah, alright,' and he thinks he should say something more but all the things he wants to say to them, he can't. He also wants to hug Jason, one last time before they go their separate ways but Jerick is with them and he knows he can't.  


Soon enough he's on the plane and he feels a pang in his chest when he remembers Jason's face and the way they hugged him. He already misses them.  
When he enters his flat 11 hours later he's exhausted but also happy to finally be home. He takes a quick shower and gets into his bed, phone in hand. He wonders whether he should do this or not but eventually he opens his contacts and after finding Jason on the list he types in a message.  


_hey, I hope you got home alright. I'm going to sleep now and I'll call you in a month after I get all the beauty sleep I need_  


He taps the send button before he can change his mind. When he falls asleep he dreams of Jason once again.  


Brian lets himself relax for two full weeks after getting back from Singapore before his first show. He's still exhausted from touring and performing nearly every night for four months but he's also happy to get in drag and see his fans.  


He texts and calls Jason almost every day and they talk for hours, never running out of things to say. He misses them more than he'd like to admit but reminds himself that every day brings him closer to seeing Jason again. He doesn't want to think about what will happen after the Battle of the Seasons Tour is over. There are only two shows left with a month-long break in between them and Brian refuses to acknowledge the fact that after they're done, he won't be able to see Jason as much.  


It's the second month of the break and Brian is lying in bed, scrolling through his timeline on Twitter. It's still relatively early and he has a day off today, which is nice but also terrible because whenever he's not performing he misses Jason even more. He needs distractions and he needs a lot of them, and being on stage for an hour lets him forget about all of that.  


He brings back his attention to Twitter, and he's about to start reading a tweet from one of his fans when he hears a knock at his door. He can't remember inviting anyone over today so he's a bit surprised when this happens but gets up and goes to open the door anyway. He tries to look through the peephole and see who's the mysterious visitor and his heart starts beating faster at the sight of no one else but Jason fucking Dardo. He immediately opens the door and smiles brightly at his friend.  


'You whore! What are you doing here? Why didn't you tell me you were in L.A?' Brian exclaims, letting Jason in and closing the door behind them.  


'Well, it was supposed to be a surprise,' they reply and after dropping their bag on the floor go to hug the man. Brian automatically melts into the hug, breathing in Jason's familiar scent and holding them as close as he can. This time there's no one around to see and he doesn't have to worry about people thinking it's weird.  


Finally, after what seems like hours but is probably just minutes they pull away from each other and Brian gestures for Jason to come to the living room while he heads for the kitchen to make them some coffee. Finally, they sit on the couch with mugs full of steaming coffee, their shoulders touching and smiles on their faces. Brian starts telling them about what he's been up to this whole time and Jason listens to everything he has to say, happy to see their friend again.  


'So, how long are you staying here?' asks Brian, feeling nervous again. He doesn't want Jason to leave, not today, not ever. He knows it's going to happen though and he fucking hates it.  


'However long you want me to, I mean, I do have the rest of the week off,' Jason says and shrugs, trying to seem casual but Brian can see the uncertainty and hope in their eyes. He smiles at them.  


'Well then bitch, prepare yourself for the best week of your fucking life,' Brian says and then cackles. Jason sends him their best smirk in response.  


'Yeah? What are we gonna do? Stay in your apartment all day and binge watch TV shows?' they try to sound sarcastic but it doesn't quite work out and they sound more fond than anything else. Brian doesn't say anything, just punches them lightly in the arm. They bicker for good half an hour before deciding to watch a movie. Brian spends most of it stealing looks at Jason and enjoying their presence. He thinks that if he could only hold them in his arms then everything would be perfect.  


A few hours later they order takeaway and Jason talks Brian into watching Orange Is The New Black. While they wait for their food Jason rests their head on the man's shoulder and puts their arm around his waist. Brian blinks a few times, shocked, but makes no attempt to change their position. He lets himself have this moment, knowing very well that they're rare.  


Brian is tracing circles against the skin on Jason's arm when there's knocking on the door. He reluctantly gets up and goes to open it, hoping that it's the guy with their Chinese. He pays him and takes the bag with food and thanking him before closing the door and rushing to the living room. Jason looks up from where they're now lying on the couch and their face immediately lights up when they see that their food has been delivered. They sit up and move a bit to make some room for Brian while he fetches forks and knives from the kitchen. Then they proceed to eat the Chinese while watching the TV show Jason chose.  


In the evening Brian takes Justin out to the beach. They take a walk along the shore and the man feels his stomach drop whenever he sees a couple passing them by. He knows that Jason and he will never be one but it still hurts to see others happily in love, holding hands with their significant others while Brian struggles to not do or say something that will forever ruin his friendship with Jason.  


They end up sitting on the sand and watching the sunset and Brian lets himself put an arm around Justin after they rest their head on Brian's shoulder. He wishes so hard for this day to never end.

6.  


It's three in the morning and Brian can't sleep. He turns his head to look at the sleeping figure of Jason next to him, their head resting on Brian's chest and their arm wrapped around his waist. And even though he still feels so incredibly happy that they're here with him, he can't help but feel a little bit sad, knowing very well that soon enough Jason will go back to Atlanta and it's all going to be over. Unaware of his own actions he pulls the dark haired person even closer to him (if that's possible, which is very unlikely) and sighs as he breathes in the smell of Jason's shampoo. He loves being so close to them, seeing them so vulnerable and open as they sleep and it breaks his heart a little because he knows that in Jason's eyes he's just their friend. Not even best friend - that job is already taken by Kurtis.  


He closes his eyes and tries to focus on his breathing, hoping that it'll help him fall asleep somehow. When another hour passes and he's still as awake as before he knows there's no use in even trying to pretend that he's sleeping. So he just lies there in his bed, arms wrapped around the sleeping Jason and watches them, a warm feeling in his chest.  


He doesn't know know what time it is or how long he's been staring at Jason but he startles a bit when he feels them stretch and hears a yawn. Brian smiles at that, affection visible in his eyes.  


'Morning, princess,' he says, ready to let them go but Jason doesn't move after that, just settles on Brian's chest.  


'I told you not to call me that, remember? I'm a fucking queen, not a princess,' they reply but can't help the smile that slowly spreads on their face. They love lazy mornings like this one when they don't have anything important to do. They're especially fond of the ones they get to spend with Brian, though.  


'Yeah sure, whatever you say, princess,' Brian teases him and yelps when Jason twists his nipple. They only laugh at that and the man can bet they're rolling their eyes at him.  


'Well, I was going to make us breakfast but since you decided to start abusing me like that...' he says, sighing dramatically but a smile still creeps onto his face. Jason laughs and throws their head back, the corners of their eyes crinkling.  


'Fuck you,' they mutter under their breath and then roll over, lying on top of Brian. He freezes immediately, unable to break the eye contact. He swallows hard, his heart pounding in his chest, feeling as if it would jump out of his chest. Jason smiles sweetly, and Brian swears that they've never looked more beautiful than right now, sun peeking through the curtains in the windows, lighting up Jason's face, a relaxed and happy expression on their face. Fuck, he thinks. He really wants to kiss them.  


Not looking away from his friend's face, he reaches out and tentatively brushes away some strands of Jason's hair that have fallen into their face. He puts them behind their ear, earning him a confused look from the younger person. Brian doesn't really know what makes him do that, not really. Later, he will blame it on the lack of sleep and not having his morning coffee yet. All he knows is that he has crossed the line, and he closes his eyes and waits for Jason to yell at him and ask him what the fuck he thinks he's doing. But it never happens. Instead, Jason lifts his hand and carefully touches Brian's cheek, his thumb tracing the man's bottom lip. He takes a sharp breath and his eyes fly open. Jason's smiling in this really heartwarming way and when he looks into their eyes he thinks they must know. The voice in his head tells him that Jason's only playing with him, obviously, because why else would they do that? It's so unlike them to be so gentle and fucking touch Brian's fucking face, and oh god, he's really fucked.  


Suddenly, before Brian can even blink, Jason's jumping out of bed. His heart feels heavy and he misses their touch and the comforting weight of their body on top of his. He's also fucking terrified. _You fucked up big time_ , the voice tells him. _You fucked up and now Jason hates you_.  


Before he can apologize or do anything at all Jason's holding their hand out to him, a small smile on their face.  


'Come on, breakfast. And coffee', they say, and when Brian doesn't move they roll their eyes and sigh deeply. ''m hungry. Brian, let's go,' they whine and he thinks that anytime now they will stomp their foot on the floor like an angry 5-year-old.  


He takes Jason's hand in his and together they make their way to the kitchen.  


After they finish eating their toasts and drinking coffee they settle on the couch and turn the TV on. Brian lets Jason choose what they're going to watch, aware of the fact that if he doesn't they most likely will complain and moan through the whole thing. Finally, Jason chooses some horror movie and puts away the remote before cuddling up to Brian. This feels so domestic and like such a couply thing to do but neither care.  


Halfway through the movie, Brian's eyelids start to feel heavy so he closes them, telling himself that it's only for a minute. And before he knows it he's fast asleep, head dropping onto Jason's shoulder.  


They take their eyes off the screen, surprised by the sudden weight on their shoulder and look over to see that Brian's fallen asleep on them. Jason smiles affectionately and wonders if they should get him a blanket but decides against it as they don't really want to move and wake Brian up. They've noticed the dark circles under their friend's eyes this morning; it was obvious that the man didn't get much sleep if any. Finally, Jason turns their attention back to the TV screen, the gentle smile never leaving their lips.  


The rest of the week goes amazing, at least in Brian's opinion. Jason and he spend most of the time either in front of the TV or on the beach, talking about their lives before Drag Race happened. Brian admits to his friend that even though he loves performing and meeting his fans he sometimes gets so exhausted and wants to just sleep for a month straight. They laugh and joke and before he knows it, Brian is at the airport with Jason standing next to him. His heart feels heavy again and there's a sinking feeling in his stomach that he can't shake. He avoids looking at his friend, afraid of them seeing something in his eyes that will give away how much he doesn't want them to leave.  


He thinks back to the time they spent together, when they would lie in bed and Jason would trace circles on Brian's back with their fingers or when the dark haired person would lie with their head on the man's lap, Brian playing with their hair.  


Jason finally turns to face him and Brian isn't sure but he feels like the look on their face mirrors the one on Brian's. Could it be that they don't want to leave too? _No fucking chance_ , the familiar voice in his head says. He tries to smile at Jason but it comes out as a grimace.  


'Thanks for putting up with me,' Brian tries to joke but his voice cracks at the end of the sentence. Jason only rolls their eyes and goes to hug him. When they wrap their arms around their friend and bury their face in his neck Brian feels like he's slowly falling apart, having to say goodbye to someone whom he loves so much. And the fact that he has to wait nearly a month before he sees them again makes it even harder.  


Finally, Jason pulls away from the hug but not before kissing Brian's cheek softly. The man's heart speeds up and his face reddens but he smiles at his friend as they say their goodbyes. With the last look to Brian, Jason turns away and starts walking towards the check-in desks.  


He stares at them for a little longer until he loses the sight of his friend and decides to head home. He spends the rest of the day in bed, hugging the pillow Jason slept on and wishing they were with him right now.

7.  


Brian once again throws himself into work to avoid thinking of Jason. It doesn't exactly work the way he expected it to but at least there's something to take his mind off of his friend for at least an hour.  


The last month of the three-month-long break finally comes to an end and Brian finds himself on the plane to Orange County where the one before last show is taking place. When he finally lands he feels extremely excited. He's going to see Jason today and he really can't wait to hold them close and talk to the younger person.  


Brian doesn't expect anyone to meet him at the airport so he's surprised to see the familiar face and dark curly hair surrounding it. His heart skips a beat at the sight and a huge grin makes his way onto his face.  


Jason is staring at their phone for a moment but when they finally look up and see Brian they smile and almost run to their friend, wrapping their arms tightly around the man's neck. Brian's hands find their way to Jason's waist and he holds them close, breathing in the wonderful and such a well-known scent. For the first time in a month, he finally feels complete.  


'Surprise, bitch,' Jason whispers into his ear and a shiver runs through Brian's body. He really did miss them.  


'What the fuck are you doing here, and most importantly, why didn't you tell me you would be picking me up?' Brian laughs but he's confused, so confused. After all, Jason has never picked him up from an airport before. And it feels strangely domestic.  


'Told you, it was supposed to be a surprise, duh,' Jason replies, finally stepping back and properly looking at Brian. 'Come on, let's go to the hotel. Almost everyone's there already,' they add and start walking towards the massive glass doors, turning their head to see if Brian is coming.  


When they finally arrive at the hotel Michelle greets Brian and gives him the key to his room. He thanks her and then makes his way over to the elevator, Jason by his side.  


Once they're inside the hotel room they walk to the bed and lie down side by side. Jason is looking at the ceiling and Brian, as usual, is looking at Jason. They talk for a while and catch up on what's been going on in their lives for the past month and before they know it it's time to start getting ready for the show. Brian is the first one to get up from the bed and walk towards his suitcase to get all of his makeup supplies and a mirror. He puts all of the things on the table and starts painting his face. After a few minutes, he hears a deep sigh and looks over at Jason who is currently in the process of getting up. He smiles at the younger person and looks back into the mirror, beginning to put foundation on his already glued down eyebrows.  


'I'll see you later, yeah?' Calls Jason, already by the door. Not waiting for a response they exit Brian's room and close the door behind them.  


A couple of hours later, after Brian becomes Katya, someone knocks on the door. She goes to open it and when she sees Violet she swears her heart stops beating for a second before starting to pound in her chest. She looks incredibly gorgeous but it's nothing new. Somehow though, Katya always reacts to her in the same way. She's not sure if she will ever get used to how beautiful Violet is.  


She lets the other queen inside and closes the door behind her. Violet automatically walks to the bed and sits on it, gesturing Katya to do the same. Hesitating a little she complies and looks over at Violet. There's tension in the room that hasn't been there earlier today and Katya doesn't understand why.  


'So, two more shows and then BOTS is over, huh,' says the older queen, desperate to say something and change the atmosphere in the room even though she's not quite sure how to do this. But then Violet frowns and Katya knows that she's made a mistake by saying that. _Way to ruin things once again_ , the voice in her head says.  


'Vi? What's going on?' she asks, confused and scared. Has she done something?  


'I need to talk to you. Not now, though,' she whispers, her voice barely audible. Katya freezes. She definitely did something. But when? She can't recall doing anything that could be considered fucking up, at least not today.  


'Was this something I did? Please tell me at least that,' she begs, fidgeting with her hands. Different scenarios flood her head - Violet saying she knows Katya's in love with her and telling her to fuck off and never contact her again, Violet saying she's got a boyfriend, Violet asking Katya about all the times she's been acting weird and doing things she shouldn't be doing. Whatever it is, Katya's sure of one thing. She's going to lose Violet and Brian is going to lose Jason and there's nothing they can do about it.  


She doesn't notice that her breathing has sped up until she feels a warm hand on her arm and turns to look at it. Violet's hand is a sure and comforting weight, bringing her back to reality.  


'Katya, look at me,' Violet orders but her voice is soft and Katya can't stand it. 'You haven't done anything. It's nothing bad, I promise. Well, at least I don't think so. Uh. Please don't panic, alright? Everything's okay,' she continues after Katya finally looks at her and squeezes her hand reassuringly. Katya nods slowly but she's not convinced. What if Violet's only saying that because she pities her? What if it's all lies? She decides to let it go though, at least for now. Besides, the show starts in about an hour and they're supposed to be leaving soon.  


They sit in silence, neither knowing what to say. Should they pretend that everything's fine? Katya isn't sure.  


After a couple of minutes, Michelle knocks at the door, saying that it's time to meet in the lobby. They both get up and leave the room, Katya locking the door behind her.  


Katya tries her best not to let her foul mood ruin her performance and she's quite proud of herself after she walks off the stage. Only two more queens will be performing now and then they're ending the show. A few hours earlier Katya would be upset that it's slowly coming to an end and that they're flying back home tomorrow but now she can't wait to get out of the venue and go back to the hotel. She also needs to find Violet and talk to her about whatever it is that the younger queen wants to talk about. She's nervous and scared and her anxiety, even though not as bad as one year ago is still present and seems to just never leave her.  


It's Violet who finds her, sitting on the couch backstage and smoking a cigarette. She sinks into the couch beside Katya.  


'So, about what I said back at the hotel,' she starts, not looking at the other queen. She thought it would be easy but she should've known better.  
Katya waits, fear spreading through her entire body and paralyzing her.  


'I need to tell you something but you have to promise me that you won't freak out, alright?' Violet asks, finally looking up at her friend.  


'Okay?' it comes out more as a question than anything else and Katya hates how weak her voice sounds. She prepares herself mentally for a blow.  


'Look, I- I'm- fuck. Okay. I'm just going to say this,' Violet stutters and her head feels dizzy but she knows she has to do this. There's no coming back now that she already started.  


'So Trixie says that it's true, and so does everyone else, really. So I have to ask you this. Katya, do you- are- are you in love with me?'  
Everything stops.  


Katya's muscles tense up and her hands are shaking and there are tears in her eyes but she knows she can't let them fall. She can't be weak. Not now. She takes a deep breath and finally answers.  


'I... well, yes.'  


She doesn't know what more to say. She doesn't know if she should. It's all over anyway and Violet is going to leave her and they will never speak to each other ever again and she can already feel her life falling to pieces.  


'Fuck,' Violet chokes out. Katya's in love with her. Katya fucking loves her.  


Without thinking the younger queen puts her arms on both of Katya's shoulders and turns her around. She's breathing irregularly and she's feeling light-headed. She refuses to look at Violet, scared of what she might see in her eyes. Disgust? Disappointment? Anger? Coldness? Hatred?  


Violet acts on an impulse. She slowly closes the distance between them, keeping her eyes on Katya, looking for any signs of her being uncomfortable. Finding none, she rests her hand on the back of Katya's neck and looking at the blonde one last time she tilts her head a little and her eyes flutter closed as she kisses her softly yet passionately. She puts all of her feelings into the kiss: the longing whenever they're apart, the happiness when they're finally together, the warmth in her chest whenever Katya smiles at her, the sadness and despair when she realized that she was avoiding Violet, the relief when she stopped and things went back to normal, the need to stay in Katya's arms for the rest of her life.  


But Katya is not kissing her back and it's been at least half a minute and Violet starts panicking. Just as she's about to pull away and flee from the room, she feels Katya's hand on her waist, pulling her close and her lips moving under Violet's. Katya kisses her eagerly and hungrily, not being able to get enough of the younger queen.  


Katya doesn't know what's exactly happening if she's being honest. She just admitted to being in love with Violet and she expected rejection, not this, whatever it is. She sighs deeply when Violet's tongue licks her lips, asking for entrance and before she knows it she's opening her mouth, letting her in. She digs her fingers into Violet's waist, urging her to sit on Katya's lap. She happily obliges and wraps her arms around the other queen's neck, deepening the kiss.  


Katya can't help but think back to their first kiss in the hotel room in New Orleans. This time Violet is definitely not drunk and so she doesn't feel like she's taking advantage of her. She is now able to enjoy the kiss, praying to whoever's listening that it means what she hopes it means.  


Violet feels waves of heat and arousal run through her whole body and she bites down on Katya's bottom and rocks down against her crotch. Katya moans low in her throat, grabbing Violet's hips and rolling them on her own a few times more.  


'If we don't stop right now I'm going to pop my tuck,' Violet says, her voice hoarse with arousal. 'And I didn't bring any lube or condoms with me,' she adds.  


'Then what do you suggest we do?' Asks Katya, now kissing Violet's neck and sucking on it, leaving dark bruises in her wake. And normally Violet wouldn't like that but it's Katya and the thought of the older queen marking her as her own makes her head spin and heart flutter in her chest.  


'Our hotel. Now,' she manages to utter and reluctantly stands up.  


Their makeup is a mess, lipstick smudged, but neither care as they step outside of the room and make their way out of the venue.  


Once they're outside Katya lets out a laugh, earning a confused look from Violet. She shakes her head and pulls the other queen closer, sealing their lips in a gentle kiss. Violet's hands cup Katya's cheeks as she returns the kiss.  


'Come on, let's call a taxi,' she murmurs against Violet's lips and goes to take out her phone from her purse.  


Violet doesn't let go of Katya's hand until they get back to the hotel and hurriedly enter her room.

8.  


The next morning when Katya wakes up she refuses to move or open her eyes, fearing that she either dreamt the whole thing or that Violet's already gone and that she will never see her again. Suddenly she feels an arm being draped over her and she breathes a sigh of relief. She turns around, careful not to wake Violet up and looks at her. She feels a really strong urge to kiss her lips once again but she's not sure if she should. After all Violet never said how she actually feels about Katya and the older queen really doesn't want to get her hopes up only to have her heart torn into pieces, stepped on, and set on fire.  


She's lost in her thoughts and doesn't notice when Violet wakes up and looks up at her, a small smile on her face.  


'Morning,' she whispers finally and reaches out to brush aside a single strand of hair from Katya's face. The blonde stares at her, not sure what to say or do. Something on her face must've given away the anxiety and stress she's feeling because Violet's expression changes quickly, a mixture of sadness and confusion now clearly visible in her eyes.  


'Katya? What's wrong?' She asks. Does Katya regret sleeping with her? Did she realize that she doesn't actually feel anything for Violet?  
Katya looks down and bites her lip. Should she tell her?  


'I- I just... want to know what this means for you,' she finally says after a few minutes of silence. As soon as the words leave her mouth she immediately regrets saying anything. She must sound so pathetic.  


Violet wants to slap herself in her fucking head. Of course, she didn't tell Katya how she feels about her. That could only happen to her.  


Relief washes over her as she realizes that her concerns are all baseless. She smiles again, bringing their faces close together and before she places a kiss on Katya's lips, she whispers, 'I love you. So much.'  


Katya finally lets herself relax and she melts into the kiss, pulling Violet's body flush against hers. They kiss lazily for a long while, only pulling away for a few seconds to catch their breath. It's still relatively early and they don't have to check out of the hotel for at least two hours.  


Katya finally feels like everything has fallen into place and is exactly how it's supposed to be. She's finally not afraid of Violet finding out about her feelings for her and rejecting her. She does feel a bit embarrassed for not realizing that the younger queen might too feel something for her, judging by how affectionate Violet's been towards her for the past few months. Still, she doesn't want to think about it right now, she's got better things to do like making out with her new lover.  


They eventually leave the bed and go to the bathroom to take their makeup off, something that wasn't exactly high on their list of priorities last night but now seems like it should've been, because they look simply awful with their lipstick smeared all over their mouths, necks and collarbones (and probably many more places).  


An hour later they emerge from the bathroom and as Jason goes to look through their suitcase for something to wear, Brian sits awkwardly on the bed and wraps himself in the bed covers. After Jason's all dressed up they look over to Brian and are about to ask him why he's still naked when they realize that all of Brian's clothes are back in his room.  


'Want me to bring you something to wear or are you going to the airport like this?' They smirk at their lover, walking up to him and hugging him tightly.  


'Very funny,' Brian grumbles but wraps his arms around Jason anyway. They exchange a few kisses until the younger person takes a step back.  


'Give me your keys then,' they say, waiting as Brian searches through Katya's purse. After a minute he finally finds it and hands it over to Jason.  


'Thank you!' he yells after them and goes to lie on the bed.  


After they come back with some clothes for Brian, Jason tells him that there's no way they're going back to Atlanta when Brian's going to L.A right after they sorted their shit out and decides to change his flight and return to Los Angeles with their partner. Brian's heart swells up with happiness, realizing that he won't have to say goodbye to Jason just yet and that they'll be able to spend more time together.  


Brian quickly dresses up and they check out of the hotel and take a taxi to the airport. By some miracle, Jason manages to get another ticket for the same flight that Brian's taking and they go through security together. When they finally get on the plane and sit next to each other Jason takes their lover's hand in their own and squeezes it, smiling brightly at the man.  


As soon as they get inside Brian's flat, Jason drops their suitcase on the floor and grabs their partner's hips, pulling him closer. They don't make it to the bed this time.  


They spend the rest of the day in bed, kissing and fucking and talking and it's so perfect that Brian feels like he's dreaming. Never in his life did he think that he would be in a relationship with someone he loves and who loves him back, especially not with someone as amazing as Jason. And even though he's not entirely convinced he deserves them, he swears he's never going to let them go.

~~*~~

It's 10 am and Brian is lying in bed, relaxing before he has to get up and properly start the day. Only two days left before the last show of the Battle of the Seasons Tour and he cannot wait for that. Mostly because he's going to see Jason, even though they left for Atlanta not even a week ago.  


Suddenly his phone beeps, signaling that he's got a new message. Curious, he unlocks the screen and smiles at his phone as he sees Jason's name on it. He quickly opens the message and raises his eyebrow in confusion.  


_check your mentions on twitter_  


He does as he's told, opening the app and starts laughing as he sees Violet's tweets.  


@VioletChachki: I'm so going to fuck @katya_zamo in Mexico City  


and then,  


@VioletChachki: Bottom for @katya_zamo ***  


Brian finally stops laughing and wipes off a single tear from his eye. He quickly responds to Violet's tweet by sending her a gif of the girl from Orange Is The New Black, smiling at the reference that only the two of them will understand.  


Fuck, he really has it bad for Jason, he realizes. He couldn't care less, though. Nothing and no one will ever make him as happy as Jason does, and they're both aware of that.

~~*~~

_You're all I need, to see me through_  
 _Can I say more, than this my love?_  
 _I will live just, for your kiss my love_  
 _And I live, for your kiss my love_


End file.
